sometimes it is hard... when the rain falls gently and the wind sings through the aspen leaves i start to think about home.. when that perfect slow song comes on and i look around this huge empty school house and think about how mom and i would be in the kitchen together.. warm in each others happiness cherishing the few days i had left in that beautiful Victorian.. your heart fills with what would be tears if i had the courage to cry for it... then the overwhelming beauty of the amazing place my soul resides takes over.. the same rush that gets caught in your throat and makes your heart warm with what must be pure joy. i am where i want to be.. yearning for a peace that will makes this wondering mind content.. as i play tug a war with my thoughts that want to question my reason for this journey, countering with the knowledge that it is truly the life i have wanted ever since i was sitting on my apartment floor with a crying heart to be anywhere but inside those walls watching the early fall sunshine leak through my barred window..
i am here.. present in the beauty.. love.. if only capturing these fleeting thoughts were easier.. thankful to have this release as i talk myself into believing this is the path i have chosen.. that my heart has chosen.. and everything is going to be alright..
some days will always be harder..
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Hi Sugar,
ReplyDeleteDolly Parton said, "You gotta have rain if you want to have rainbows." Sounds a bit rainy there on this morning's introspection. I hope the rainbows appeared for you soon after you wrote this. And you're right, "some days will always be harder." The nice thing is that all the rest of the days will be better. And it's quite natural that so soon after parting from your family(again),the blues would find a chink in your happy armor through which to sneak into your usually happy soul. Nevermind. The sun always comes again, the butterflies always return. So do the migratory birds, the flowers, the joy. You'll always find your rainbows. Whenever your heart feels sad, go back and read your first two blogs. They would cheer up even the grumpiest curmudgin.
And how is it that you wrote this at noon. Were you not on cooking duty this day? And what precipitated the blue mood? Anything else, other than the rain and memories? I do hope all is well and happy in the kitchen and that you haven't grown disillusioned. "Happy thoughts, keep thinking happy thoughts..."
And in the meantime, I'll keep loving you bunches!
Grandma