Dec. 8th, wed.

Dec. 8 2010..
Day three at home.. It was not a good night.. I was up for most of it between pain pills and trying to massage my leg into enough less pain to sleep, finally after two hours (around 7 am) I was able to really sleep, only to dream so insanely it was more comfortable to wake up. The sun had already risen and the outside was cold and clear, with only a few overcasting clouds over the sun. How much I miss the beautiful white blanketing everything… I do hope it snows this year, that just might keep me sane. I could feel the wind howling against the windows and was thankful I didn’t have to do any traveling outside today. I was sore.. my leg ached from the restless night but I Immediately began working it to get the blood flowing. I find that the more I wake up my muscles before trying to do any walking with the crutches it makes such a difference. I am able to lift it from the side and easily backwards, still barely front the front.. I guess a severed ACL takes a toll on that ability. For some reason thinking about a completely ripped off ligament makes me sick.. so on a better note I did my sit ups and leg lifts and one legged push-ups in my bed before my lovely morning stomach shot and vitamins. It had been 3 full days and 3 different disgusting airports since I had had a shower so I decided to dedicate my morning to the full effort of becoming clean. It is such a task, but so so worth it. I don’t have the luxuries here like at the hospital.. instead of a nice bench with handles to sit on I had a fish bucket from the barn, and without a movable shower head it is difficult to wash your hair when everything is running in your face, but all the same it felt amazing and I was thankful for it. I had a warm bathroom, clean clothes and an otherwise healthy body. It exhausted me however, afterwards I laid down to rest for a while before getting up and doing more writing and exercising. Carlee came in the afternoon while the second wave of exhaustion was hitting me.. probably from lack of sleep the night before, but it was wonderful to see her :) and that always makes me happy. We looked at ancient pictures from middle school and talked about hoe young we were and how we never thought any of this would ever happen… She brought me sweatpants so I would have something to wear to the doctor tomorrow besides boy short underwear from victoria’s secret which I have been living in. She told me about her day off from school and how she thinks JC is going to propose to her any day now.. I kind of hope he does, how awesome to be here for her?! But we will see.. I still have my eyes on Chad lol.. they are doing awful in basketball but I guess that is Liberty sports for you. We caught up for a while and mom joined us and we laughed until Mrs. Sharon pulled up in the driveway. She came today to place healing energys in my room, including a beautiful green obsidian stone and a love crystal that I have on my bedside table right next to me. A few rubys under my bed, a sodalight in my window and shell on my mantle for cleansing. She then did a session to channel my energy since I assume it was a bit crushed around like my leg. She told me later that 3 of my 4 oras were damaged.. My physical, emotional and mental were hurt in the accident, however my spiritual remained safe and together. She also told me how she requested the purpose for my accident and the only reply was “She is my child and I love her”… It gives me chills to even think about but I know I want to so everything I can to spread the love I feel from Him to everyone I can. I think I cry because sometimes it seems so overwhelming and I am just one broken leg.. one soul in millions and there is so much pain I cannot conquer it.. myself and in the world.. but then at the same time I feel the same wings wrap around me and inside, quiet I can think.. and one step at a time I know it will be ok.. to trust the process.. to heal even though slowly. .. It is the invitation.
After Sharon left Mrs. Padgett came by with gifts and tons of laughter as we caught up on missed years and hospital stories.. she offered that I come and do art class with her at school and I would love to, I hope I am well enough soon to be out and about and have the energy and strength as well. I would also like to start going to the hospital.. I know there are people that felt as I did and would love any guidance and love.. Tyler came by soon after and in between dinner and stories from the summer and the ranch I was feeling wonderful with all the smiling and recalling of beautiful, warm summer days in my sweet paradise… my Jackson and my Tetons.. Oh so soon my loves… so soon.