Dec, 14..

dearest journal,
it has been a while since i have written to you on here, however i have been keeping daily entries in my personal diary saved for myself.. the past couple of days havent been the best for me at heart and so i have not felt at ease enough to write passionately here to try and capture these fleeting emotions. I find myself so easily frustrated in this new life I have been given.. another test for certain and with its fair share of obstacles. So used am I to being able to handle things and just when I thought everything was set perfectly my plans crash and shatter on the cold icy ground somewhere behind shadow mountain. So I am here now to regather my heart, my soul.. all of broken pieces and start over, slowly gluing back the places recently torn and those overlooked for some time, neglected in the fast paced and unpredictable life I was living. Maybe that is why adapting is so difficult.. I finally have a predictable life and I don't know how to handle it. I know exactly how each day is going to work out, granted not down to the details, but enough to know I am going to wake up, take my shot and try a little harder to walk. even more frustrating how slow I now have to do things, I know it is good for me.. I needed to slow down obviously or this would not have happened. I have the perfect chance to catch up with my life and do things I never had the time to before.. I just need to get used to it. And I am thankful for the time I have now.. and even if it is hard to say and hurts my heart to think about it, I am happy to be home. Especially now when it is so wonderful to have family together, especially when i need it most to help the healing. I am supposed to be here now for a purpose and I think every day it gets a little easier. I know the healing process will be long, but I also know it is for it's own reason, and when I think about that I am at peace.