Dec. 8th, wed.

Dec. 8 2010..
Day three at home.. It was not a good night.. I was up for most of it between pain pills and trying to massage my leg into enough less pain to sleep, finally after two hours (around 7 am) I was able to really sleep, only to dream so insanely it was more comfortable to wake up. The sun had already risen and the outside was cold and clear, with only a few overcasting clouds over the sun. How much I miss the beautiful white blanketing everything… I do hope it snows this year, that just might keep me sane. I could feel the wind howling against the windows and was thankful I didn’t have to do any traveling outside today. I was sore.. my leg ached from the restless night but I Immediately began working it to get the blood flowing. I find that the more I wake up my muscles before trying to do any walking with the crutches it makes such a difference. I am able to lift it from the side and easily backwards, still barely front the front.. I guess a severed ACL takes a toll on that ability. For some reason thinking about a completely ripped off ligament makes me sick.. so on a better note I did my sit ups and leg lifts and one legged push-ups in my bed before my lovely morning stomach shot and vitamins. It had been 3 full days and 3 different disgusting airports since I had had a shower so I decided to dedicate my morning to the full effort of becoming clean. It is such a task, but so so worth it. I don’t have the luxuries here like at the hospital.. instead of a nice bench with handles to sit on I had a fish bucket from the barn, and without a movable shower head it is difficult to wash your hair when everything is running in your face, but all the same it felt amazing and I was thankful for it. I had a warm bathroom, clean clothes and an otherwise healthy body. It exhausted me however, afterwards I laid down to rest for a while before getting up and doing more writing and exercising. Carlee came in the afternoon while the second wave of exhaustion was hitting me.. probably from lack of sleep the night before, but it was wonderful to see her :) and that always makes me happy. We looked at ancient pictures from middle school and talked about hoe young we were and how we never thought any of this would ever happen… She brought me sweatpants so I would have something to wear to the doctor tomorrow besides boy short underwear from victoria’s secret which I have been living in. She told me about her day off from school and how she thinks JC is going to propose to her any day now.. I kind of hope he does, how awesome to be here for her?! But we will see.. I still have my eyes on Chad lol.. they are doing awful in basketball but I guess that is Liberty sports for you. We caught up for a while and mom joined us and we laughed until Mrs. Sharon pulled up in the driveway. She came today to place healing energys in my room, including a beautiful green obsidian stone and a love crystal that I have on my bedside table right next to me. A few rubys under my bed, a sodalight in my window and shell on my mantle for cleansing. She then did a session to channel my energy since I assume it was a bit crushed around like my leg. She told me later that 3 of my 4 oras were damaged.. My physical, emotional and mental were hurt in the accident, however my spiritual remained safe and together. She also told me how she requested the purpose for my accident and the only reply was “She is my child and I love her”… It gives me chills to even think about but I know I want to so everything I can to spread the love I feel from Him to everyone I can. I think I cry because sometimes it seems so overwhelming and I am just one broken leg.. one soul in millions and there is so much pain I cannot conquer it.. myself and in the world.. but then at the same time I feel the same wings wrap around me and inside, quiet I can think.. and one step at a time I know it will be ok.. to trust the process.. to heal even though slowly. .. It is the invitation.
After Sharon left Mrs. Padgett came by with gifts and tons of laughter as we caught up on missed years and hospital stories.. she offered that I come and do art class with her at school and I would love to, I hope I am well enough soon to be out and about and have the energy and strength as well. I would also like to start going to the hospital.. I know there are people that felt as I did and would love any guidance and love.. Tyler came by soon after and in between dinner and stories from the summer and the ranch I was feeling wonderful with all the smiling and recalling of beautiful, warm summer days in my sweet paradise… my Jackson and my Tetons.. Oh so soon my loves… so soon.

Dec.7 2010.. catching up..

Dec. 7 2010..
Second morning waking up in my bed, tally mark for day number two.. woke up to most beautiful sunrise I have seen in weeks outside my bedroom window. The strongest blazes of reds and orange clouds with the golden streaks setting fire to the bottom right above the trees over the empty streets so early yet. I opened my window to feel the chill of morning and let myself be captivated, melting into the beautiful bliss of morning, thankful to be alive and able to experience every perception of the magic taking place, broken leg or not it was amazing and I am grateful for it.. But still so much to catch up on.. After they discharged me from the hospital that Friday, Jack and Julie came to help us get our stuff together before they loaded me in and drove me to Sean’s parents house, Deb and Dave, which is right down the road. I was feeling miserable that day.. had tried to eat breakfast and threw up everything that morning, not able to shake the nausea that stayed with me throughout the day, I finally settled myself on the couch in front of the fire place and passed out. So grateful to be in a beautiful, warm home that wasn’t the hospital.. the conclusion to one of my worst weeks so far I think. Julie took jim to go shopping for my ensure and to fill my prescriptions while Dave took watch over me while I slept. I woke up on and off until Deb came home from work and we were all finally together resting and waiting for Sean to get home. I was thrilled he was coming and just thinking about it made me feel better. Thankful our flight wasn’t until Sunday so we would have the whole weekend.. For Jim and I. Deb made dinner and we all visited until he pulled up around 9.. I cannot explain the butterflies in my stomach but I was so happy. Dish came over and we all stayed together watching movies in the living room, Sean massaging my feet and ankles to help the circulation through the tight stockings I have to wear to keep my blood from clotting. When everyone went to bed, he slept in the recliner chair next to the couch in case I needed anything. It was a miserable night, just as the others but I kept him from waking and suffered through the sweating and the chills and the spasms until it was late enough in the morning to get up. It was snowy beautiful morning in the living room, we were on the couch when Deb woke up and started coffee.. and oh my goodness I cannot explain how amazing it smelled… Finally was I able to have a cup of deliciousness and it didn’t taste half bad with my baby formula breakfast. Dave was given the honors to give me my daily stomach shot.. something I would like to start to start getting used to VERY soon.. and everyone continued with their mornings. Breakfast was made along with some more amazing coffee.. Sean massaged my back until Jim woke up and they were able to leave to go pack up my things from Dornans. Since I could not stay I would be storing everything in the Meridian building in town until I got back, taking with me only a few things that I would need at home for the time I was there. While they were gone I took another amazing shower, propping myself up on a deck chair with a towel to keep from slipping… it was heaven. I must have spent an hour in there between freezing cold and scalding waters immersed in soapy bliss and happiness. I felt amazing putting on fresh cool clothes that Deb let me borrow while my clothes were washing and I climbed into the couch smiling as we shared stories and listened to Mumford and sons <3 The boys got back and I went through everything, we packed it up, made lunch, arranged everything for the flight the next day and finally settled down for the evening my warm, happy Jackson family, my sweet brother and my wolf pack ;) Tyler and Dish came over as well and we all snuggled in the tiny room for the night spending the last few moments together until who knows when. I know how badly I want to get back, but I do not know how fast I can get this leg to cooperate.. shooting for new years seems insane, but it is the only way to go. Even if I cannot fly back I will be better somehow by then.. so who knows? Summer is going to come no matter what and it is going to be wonderful and beautiful and I will definitely be better by then so when it comes to worries I do not have so many. It is just hard because I miss my family there.. seems as if I cannot get enough of either. The night went to quickly, the same as the last, and before we knew it we were packing up for the trip to the airport.. the beginning of another trialing, miserable day.. the pain of moving and flying was unbearable, but the sadness and emptiness that fell from my eyes the whole ride to the airport hurt so much more. Even though Sean was holding my hand and telling me how everything was going to be alright I could not help but cling to every snowflake and beautiful hillside covered in white sunrise we passed the whole way. It hurt.. and my dearest journal it still hurts.. the vision so clear even through the tears.. why does it have to hurt every time you have to leave.. ahhh.. but you cannot stop it, and we made it to the airport.. and after some very sad good-byes made it on the plane.. I do not think I will forget that horrible day of flying so I do not feel the need to describe it in depth, but I cannot express the relief of finally feeling fresh air and being in the car on the way home.. What I had been dreading I was thankful for. My bed was even more magical.. my sweet, yellow room mom had made beautiful and I cried myself to sleep underneath my golden silk canopy.
The first day went fine.. I woke up, took my pills, my shot, my vitamins, my ensure, did some walking, some stretching.. slept the previous day away and tried not to think about Jackson or anyone.. which was impossible. It was wonderful to see Carlee when she stopped by, and it felt good to read with mom to keep me distracted.. So easily do I let myself slip into the overwhelming task I now have to overcome before I can have my life back.. way too easily do the tears come when my leg starts throbbing and I don’t have Sean to be there telling me everything is going to be alright.. Today has been better, I am so grateful to have Carlee who came by again today and everyone who sends their thoughts and sweet cards.. Mom and I did chair yoga today, it feels wonderful to stretch.. It is cold but a beautiful day to watch the sky and the mountains. So thankful am I to live where I do with my mountains even if it is to remind me of what I am working towards <3

hospital.. cont..

Saturday..
today was the day I was supposed to have surgery so they wheeled me in to have a cat scan beforehand first thing in the morning. After the results came back the doctors quickly decided that my “simple” break was in fact a huge explosion of bones underneath my knee cap and that my surgery had to wait until Sunday when more and better doctors were going to be available. So I spent another day drugged out of my mind inside my tiny hospital room. With three boys and nothing close to a clear perception of anything we spent the day watching movies and the food channel.. sharing stories in between shots and medications.. treating them all the milkshakes.. Sean never letting me go..
It was a long and painful night.. being alone in a tiny hospital room will make you depressed faster than the injury I believe.. so I spent most of the hours watching the snow outside in the parking lot lights trying not to think about life after tomorrow.
Sunday morning was dark and cold like the ones before.. my three angels coming in before the sun with the most delicious smelling coffee that I could not have ( you aren’t allowed to eat or drink anything before surgery..) but Sean had his chair right beside my face, hand in mine and the most wonderful smelling cup of temptation so close. It was a great morning as far as I remember, the pain medicines not making me nauseas yet (so far everything they gave me upset my stomach and made me incredibly dizzy). We watched football and took videos of Dish falling asleep.. laughing for the first time that I remember and sad when the time came to finally go to surgery, thankful at the same time though that I could begin my process of healing. All three followed me to the surgery room each hugging me before they wheeled me in to begin the procedures. The room was huge and so brightly lit, it scared the hell out of me how open and bright and intimidating everything seemed.. I hated being there and couldn’t get the nurse to knock me out fast enough. Soon though the anesthesia was pumping through my veins and I never felt a thing until I woke up in the recovery room full of Valium… they had brought me back and all I can remember was holding Sean’s hand and trying so hard to fall asleep, the Valium however was so strong that every time I began passing out I would stop breathing.. this continued for the next 20 minutes, each time Sean having to wake me up in fear I would stop functioning all together reminding me to breath. The nurses finally took my away to ICU to knock the medicine out of my system and have constant supervision.. I do not know which room was worse. I was in so much pain with the lack of medicine I began hyperventilating until the nurse starting yelling at me to slow my breathing so I wouldn’t pass out. The night was excruciating and sleep was impossible.. I was put on a lower dose of medication but only felt the throbbing pain of leg and nausea in my head. The surgery had been a success, all three plates and ten screws to piece everything back together in less time than they had originally thought.. This thought however was not comforting me and I did not sleep any for the rest of the night. They moved me back down to room 128 that Monday morning.. and I believe that it was the worst Monday of my entire life. It was the first morning Sean was not there to hold me.. all three boys had to go back to work, Sean to school.. an empty white room and the saddest heart throbbing right along with the stabbing pain in my knee. The medicine made me throw up all day, I do not remember Adam and Ashley coming to visit.. or Gabey from Dornans.. Julie or Debby (Sean’s mom), the entire day was a drugged and depressing blur… until that night when Jim came and for the first time that day I felt light in my heart. Mom and Dad had sent him out to take care and be with me for the week I was to be in hospital while we figured things out. He slept in Sean’s house, his parents Deb and Dave opening up their home to him.. They both came as well that evening to visit, they were so wonderful and nice and it felt like I now had parents to get me through this as well.. my Jackson family.. my Jackson angels. It felt wonderful to have jim there even if I can barely remember anything that happened the next couple of days. They finally took me off of the I.V because the pain medicines were just making me unbearably sick.. I was awakened every morning at 5am to have my blood drawn by my favorite nurse I met the entire time, (she had had knee surgery three times and was almost killed by a car as well.. she I am thankful for her humor and reality, she made me smile every morning and revealed to me something revolutionary.. she told me that we endure the suffering because we are alive and that there must be a higher power.. and because we are alive we are meant for a higher purpose..) She was a blessing and I think about her often in my days here after. I was given a shot in the stomach every morning to prevent my blood from clotting, attempted breakfast only to throw it up soon after. I survived off of ensure and water.. too much pain to stand and brush my teeth, physical therapy was almost unbearable.. nurses came in regularly to check my blood, pulse and vitals.. the surgeon to check my leg. I lived in between the food network and visits from some of the most amazing people. I was thankful everyday for Jim and the happiness he was finding with him new life in Jackson. Sean texted me all day everyday from school reminding me to keep pushing.. the reason for my motivation and my smiles.. The first day I took a shower was the closest to magic I have felt since the night surrounded by stars.. I was allowed for the first time to take my bandages off and feel the warmth of water flow freely over my entire body .. washing away all the pain and tears and sweat and sadness built up for so many days. I am so thankful for that shower .. I had flowers everywhere I looked, my wonderful brother, people everywhere sending me healing and loving thoughts.. the snow outside so beautiful and the hope that only comes from a soul touched by the love by so many. <3 The days were hard, I cried a lot, the pain hurt, the shots hurt, I ached, I prayed.. and finally Friday they let me leave.

Dec. 3 2010

Life has changed.. and it will take a few days and blogs to catch everything up, but Today, Dec. 3, 2010 before I begin the story I want to remember that everything that has happened to me has happened for a purpose.. there is a higher power and the only reason I am alive right now is because i am meant to serve a higher purpose in life.. and i intend fully on working my hardest to do so even if the reasons right now are unclear. All the suffering I have and am enduring is only of the physical world and even if I am not conscious to it now my soul has awakened to the reality that this entire experience is just one more step.. and one more path of the journey <3



Nov. 26th 2010
First day of work :) Up and ready at 7 this morning just as the first few rays of pink were making their way into my window, it was snowing lightly and it looked gorgeous.. slow to get out of my warm bed into the pale light of dawn from outside but it felt good to wake up and stretch before adventuring out for troy and I’s walk..(oh how I wish..) but I pretended he was with me as we made our way through the huge drifts of snow (some past my knee) out towards the highway where you have the best view of the mountains in the morning light. There was no one on the road, our driveway hadn’t even been paved yet so it was a bit slick, but a bit warmer then yesterday (around 4 degrees this morning).. the wind is what made it close to unbearable as I walked into it covering my face in snowflakes. I seriously need to invest in a face mask.. I can literally feel the patched of skin that begin to freeze within 10 minutes of being outside- BRRR.. my Antarctica for sure.. but invigorating and exciting all the same, called mom and dad on their way to Grandmas and Papa’s for Thanksgiving, great to hear from everyone :) Sounds like everything went so much better this year compared to last, even jimmy sounded happy.. crossing my fingers he can stay that way.. he is just going through so much :/ (ps I <3 you) . Pretty much ran back to the house because my fingers were going to fall of my hand along with my eyelashes after they froze solid, changed for work while singing along with Adam’s guitar playing across the hall.. an XS uniform that actually fits! Clocked in at 10 just as the sun was starting to come out full force into the snow and the Tetons that I haven’t seen since I left, got the tour, the rules, the paper work etc.. breakdown of everything and how it is run in the winter.. almost exactly like working at Court Street except they have computers here and a much more amazing view.. omg the mountains outside are breath taking since we are right at the base and entrance to the park.. stellar :) the restaurant went slow, but decent when it came down to tips and training, easy enough and happy people – great guys in the kitchen and plenty of help and support.. all around a good first day and for that I am thankful. (even did a crossword for chef ;) Closed out around 4 and walked back to the house with Gabey (who I love more everyday lol) we both work together on the weekends (I have wed. and Thursdays off) and she is wonderful to work with- Thank you!! Went for a walk in the sunset to call everyone at Thanksgiving and talked with everyone as I froze and the sun went down behind the so snowy mountain tops.. thankful as well to hear everyone’s sweet voice and warm wishes.. smiling thinking about all the fun we have when we are together, almost wishing I was there.. but this is now.. my present and I am living every second and enjoying it as much as possible. I am so happy to have such wonderful people to live and work with, a so caring family missing me back home.. snow clothes.. free coffee… AND maybe even a bonfire tonight under 3 billion stars on the top of the mountain :)
Yea.. I think so <3

nov. 12 2010

:) Today was great <3.. slept late because we stayed up late to watch the Celtics beat the Heat and the snow fall from the stars.. before, made some delicious chili and cornbread after a long day of hiking to the river to watch the clouds dance around the mountains and the water flow around the ice covered rocks. It was beautiful yesterday to be in the sunshine before the clouds caved in and made the night so so cold that carried into this morning. When I woke up the first time the snow had started falling fierce against the gray of sunrise.. to cold to walk around and still to tired to really want to. Felt wonderful to curl up back in bed with the radiators on in the warmth of my tiny cabin while the storm blew in outside. Woke up later to a trying sunlight against the thick masses of snow clouds and attempted again to make it up to the spa to run off the lingering sleepiness. After the first few songs it finally felt good to be running and I worked out for the next hour to keith urban blasting through the open doors of the fitness room into the swirling snow outside. The faintness gleam of blue sky was inching its way over the hill when I went back outside, the cold nipping fiercely against my bare skin, but exhilarating to feel fill my lungs with each breath of crystal mountain air. Decided to walk the long way back, even in the freezing breeze that felt like ice through my clothes.. I had just gotten a call from the Head Manager of Dornans offering me a serving job for the winter down at the restaurant underneath their hotel. I took it gratefully, thankful that I will only share a house with one room mate instead of an apartment with three.. and that my rent is cheaper.. and I will not only have the job I want but will be living and working right beneath the Tetons... the only thing I was going to be so sad to leave here at the ranch when I go to move into town for the winter season. (And Rita of course... and Aaron... and my warm cabin to myself ;).. But overall I am thankful to have the job and excited to begin working again, especially serving.. especially with new and exciting people everyday.. a much needed change of pace from the ranch. Got off the phone with him to talk to dad and find a new trail to make my trip longer on the way back to the cabin. Happy to catch up and learn about home, excited to tell him about the new job and plans and all the crazy moving situations I am putting myself through with my indecisiveness. But it is always fun to share my insanity with someone ;) Wish I could see them all soon... Being that it still wasn't the most enjoyable day to be outside I went ahead and started laundry, offering to clean Dish's kitchen if he would let me use his machines instead of trekking my clothes up to the Spa. So for the next few hours I sang Patsy Cline and found the kitchen again underneath 2 weeks of massive, dirty usage (not so sexy..), And as always could not fight the urge to cook something with all of my new clean appliances, so I went ahead and made dinner for everyone tonight as well... A new Chinese from scratch recipe I created and I can only hope it tasted as god as it smelled.. either way it was appreciated and I got my creative fix for the day. Night had fallen by the time I left Dish's cabin to return to mine even thought it was still so early.. We decided to drive into town so I could finish up packing my things from the apartment for the move to Dornans, stopping at Dairy Queen where I treated for some intense, amazing chocolate extreme explosion in a cup. ( probably the NICEST DQ I have ever seen... just waiting for you Carlee ;)... Dark drive back, but made it before the roads got too icy to shower and settle down for the night... So it is now that I sit and remember all of the wonderful things I am thankful for today and always.. Especially being able to talk with mom and dad today <3, to share such beautiful and wonderful experiences with Josh, breath taking hikes to the river, wonderful music <3, whispering snow through the gasping sunlight, finding gem like rocks and new trails, warm clothes, new gloves, tattoos ;), the excitement for a new job and a different life, cooking artistic foods and singing... being in such an amazing place and always being able to be thankful to have such a blessed opportunity. I cannot wait for every new chance and idea of possibility, it is a beautiful journey, that i love <3.

nov. 11 2010

i am so happy with my life

nov. 7 2010

magic <3
It has been forever since i have been able to write and to be honest it wasn't because I did not have the time, more like the energy to be able to capture all the thousands of thoughts and ideas and dreams i have been exploring in my mind for the past couple of days.. It is fascinating how quickly things can change and how instantly you can choose to create such magic and wonder in your life.. so simply it can be done and so immediately do some things happen.. And the more time i spend sharing this beautiful place with someone who is just as breath-taken from it as i am.. the more I, myself am falling in love with the incomparable master piece i find myself surrounded in every day. A good friend from home flew out this past Thursday to spend some time here, at the ranch, working with my boss and I - just to get the feel of things, to experience something new, to stare at the beautiful mountains... and it is so wonderful to share the same passion i have for everything here and watch how it transforms the entire being of someone who has never known. How i wish i could do that with everyone.. Amazing to think how many lives would change, how many souls would be enlightened just by experiencing the life and beauty that is here. It does change your life.. there is no doubt. How easily your everything is put into place, how clearly you can think and see.. how endless the possibilities just explode into opportunities.. and how peaceful you find your yourself... your soul. It is as if it were magic.. and just how impossible it must seem to someone who never knew... the idea of inspiration and pure enlightenment produced by the over powering beauty of nature. When you take everything you think about life.. the complications, the drama, the stress, the work... all of the figuring out, the planning, the worrying.. and surrender it, it is almost as if your body flows into withdrawal.. almost like you forget how to function without the egotistical, material things that we create our lives to be..
And it is in that stage where you arrive here.. granted it is just a physical place, the mountains, the plains, the rivers, the peaks and valleys.. the trees and sky.. but emotionally as well it is a haven.. I cannot explain the such intense, humbling feeling you drown in when you first find yourself gazing at the mountains that engulf you.. but it is like a huge wave breaks into your body destroying all the ego, striping you only of what is real.. As if it was washing your soul as you stand there dripping with the new beauty. And it is incredible how from that moment on your body craves that feeling, that first rush of adrenaline from being broken into and renewed.. the emotion is addicting, and so powerful you find yourself slowly slipping into a more balanced and beautiful way of life.. simple and gentle, as if you were walking through the forest barefoot and cautious of every yearning plant for sunshine.. as your soul as well is yearning.. sometimes it just takes a little more time for searching <3..
Watching how this magic has worked into the life of someone who has never known this experience before is even more moving.. never knew such emotional peace could be found both physically and mentally,.it is simply beautiful the transaction and love beginning to take root in another soul.. same as the deep feelings i have started growing since i first felt that wave crashing into mine. I love it.. love watching the disbelief wash over as the sun sets into the biggest rainbow of pinks in the sky, the glistening snow penetrating the jagged peaks of the mountains, the way the sun catches every sparkle of frost in the morning, and the stars... nothing can even compare to the magic at night when you are immersed in nothing but a blanket of black filled with a million diamonds, clear enough so you can see every different color they sparkle in and out of.. holding your breath as if you could hear them whispering so many light years away, gripping against the deep cold of night and the chills from the coyotes singing.. It is like taking someone's hand and leading them into never-land, a soul once blindfolded that will never be the same.

it can only be magic...

So the days have been beautiful and busily spent working for Meridian with Jack and Julie and on the Ranch with Aaron and Anne. With more winter weather coming, (this time probably to stay), there has been a lot of work in town while the roads are still manageable and decent to drive.. Even though some mornings it has been so cold and the fog so thick we have not been able to see past the hood of the truck. Rhiannon and I have stayed occupied either with cleaning Mike's tractors, detailing the work trucks, moving things in the office, working on Mel's new apartment at the bottom of snow king, getting ready to paint our apartment (which is a hideous blue right now.. along with the dirty pea green bathroom). We have bought a warm copper to use on top, a lovely shade of "cedar pass" that seems perfect for a cabin-winter home. It is a nice place, on top of the Meridian office building with a beautiful, magazine cut out kitchen and living room with a huge stone fireplace and massive windows looking out the ski resort mountains. It is right in the middle of town so everything is within walking distance, granted my snow boots make it through the next snow. The bus station is right at the corner and the Aquatic center right down the street.. (very excited about getting back into swimming). As it turns out Rhiannon will not be moving back to Vermont and chose to stay here as well, so even if splitting a room might get cozy, at least the rent will be not as crazy. I will hopefully also be getting a lot of hours at the ski resort where i will be working and my time spent at the actual apartment will be minimal. (especially with a free ski pass! - very awesome!) I got a job working in a restaurant on top of the mountain (you actually have to ride the gondola up to get there.) It is a very nice, fine dining, cafeteria style place where I will be serving and busing, catering to the very busy ski crowd they always get. So many job interviews and visitations have been taking place as well between us two. Still holding out on more job to try and save up some money this winter for my travels in the spring.
So finally on this beautiful snow-promised sunday I am able to find the time and energy to give to writing all about this beautiful and spontaneous life.. So thankful for everything I am blessed with, so amazed and intrigued at the effect of this place on my soul.. and his, to watch and fall deeper in appreciation for what i am able to have and live for and how it can change the life of someone else. To cherish the small and simple things that make your heart so happy <3, hearing from your best friend and feeling their love even over 2,034 miles, your family.. the breath taking pictures you are able to capture, the magical feeling when you are able to capture a moment in a phenomenal sunset or shooting star.. how lucky to have that one place and time and live it.. how crazy it is to think how it resembles our own short time in this life.. this one tiny moment to capture everything wonderful and magical we are blessed with. so much can i be grateful for in the incredible chance i have.