aug. 11 2011

it was one of those mornings when you can feel the energy shifting as soon as you step outside.. the gray clouds swarming with storms of electrcity even before the sun. i could feel the mist on my face and the cold, but the fire was tormenting through my viens, even before the change, i knew the air was different today. For four weeks now I had been moving with the days, slowly and passivly, like the waves on the ocean i have even gotten used to hearing.. without the change, without the strive for survivial, the constant fight.. becoming too cofortable with living in Carlsbad, going to the gym, to the beach, home in between, everything pre-set in motion. and it was not until this morning i finally felt the difference i had been praying for. and all i had to do was wait. i breathed fire for the first hours, never able to calm the energy inside my body.. like the swell of ocean right before the break. no matter how far i biked, ran, swam, lifted.. it was no use. almost as if someone slipped speed into my coffee, i was on fire. Life HAD to change, it had to... this comfort zone would not work for me one more day before i just packed into the truck and left.. back to my mountains, back to the life i loved.
the phone call came at 11, the change i had expected so much by this point it wasn't even a suprise. The job i had applied for in Tahoe to work the fall and perform weekly had called and offered me a garaunteed position. I now had the chance to run back to the mountains, to the rivers and lakes and everything natural and beautiful, rain and storms and cold and change... where breathing feels pure and your soul un-tainted by the greed and hunger that consumes the places i have been living here. my change - my ticket for life and a plan to further follow my two greatest passions to a new place. it was the chance i had been praying for, and i cannot explain how thankful i am to have this opportunity to look forward to. i cherish the days here with the sunshine and the new peace i have found with the ocean.. but it will be so wonderful to be lost in nature again... i cannot wait. i realize how much i miss singing, and the music in my life and i feel blessed to have kept the fight alive to follow it.
dear theory of a deadman, i have missed you <3