Dec. 3 2010

Life has changed.. and it will take a few days and blogs to catch everything up, but Today, Dec. 3, 2010 before I begin the story I want to remember that everything that has happened to me has happened for a purpose.. there is a higher power and the only reason I am alive right now is because i am meant to serve a higher purpose in life.. and i intend fully on working my hardest to do so even if the reasons right now are unclear. All the suffering I have and am enduring is only of the physical world and even if I am not conscious to it now my soul has awakened to the reality that this entire experience is just one more step.. and one more path of the journey <3



Nov. 26th 2010
First day of work :) Up and ready at 7 this morning just as the first few rays of pink were making their way into my window, it was snowing lightly and it looked gorgeous.. slow to get out of my warm bed into the pale light of dawn from outside but it felt good to wake up and stretch before adventuring out for troy and I’s walk..(oh how I wish..) but I pretended he was with me as we made our way through the huge drifts of snow (some past my knee) out towards the highway where you have the best view of the mountains in the morning light. There was no one on the road, our driveway hadn’t even been paved yet so it was a bit slick, but a bit warmer then yesterday (around 4 degrees this morning).. the wind is what made it close to unbearable as I walked into it covering my face in snowflakes. I seriously need to invest in a face mask.. I can literally feel the patched of skin that begin to freeze within 10 minutes of being outside- BRRR.. my Antarctica for sure.. but invigorating and exciting all the same, called mom and dad on their way to Grandmas and Papa’s for Thanksgiving, great to hear from everyone :) Sounds like everything went so much better this year compared to last, even jimmy sounded happy.. crossing my fingers he can stay that way.. he is just going through so much :/ (ps I <3 you) . Pretty much ran back to the house because my fingers were going to fall of my hand along with my eyelashes after they froze solid, changed for work while singing along with Adam’s guitar playing across the hall.. an XS uniform that actually fits! Clocked in at 10 just as the sun was starting to come out full force into the snow and the Tetons that I haven’t seen since I left, got the tour, the rules, the paper work etc.. breakdown of everything and how it is run in the winter.. almost exactly like working at Court Street except they have computers here and a much more amazing view.. omg the mountains outside are breath taking since we are right at the base and entrance to the park.. stellar :) the restaurant went slow, but decent when it came down to tips and training, easy enough and happy people – great guys in the kitchen and plenty of help and support.. all around a good first day and for that I am thankful. (even did a crossword for chef ;) Closed out around 4 and walked back to the house with Gabey (who I love more everyday lol) we both work together on the weekends (I have wed. and Thursdays off) and she is wonderful to work with- Thank you!! Went for a walk in the sunset to call everyone at Thanksgiving and talked with everyone as I froze and the sun went down behind the so snowy mountain tops.. thankful as well to hear everyone’s sweet voice and warm wishes.. smiling thinking about all the fun we have when we are together, almost wishing I was there.. but this is now.. my present and I am living every second and enjoying it as much as possible. I am so happy to have such wonderful people to live and work with, a so caring family missing me back home.. snow clothes.. free coffee… AND maybe even a bonfire tonight under 3 billion stars on the top of the mountain :)
Yea.. I think so <3

nov. 12 2010

:) Today was great <3.. slept late because we stayed up late to watch the Celtics beat the Heat and the snow fall from the stars.. before, made some delicious chili and cornbread after a long day of hiking to the river to watch the clouds dance around the mountains and the water flow around the ice covered rocks. It was beautiful yesterday to be in the sunshine before the clouds caved in and made the night so so cold that carried into this morning. When I woke up the first time the snow had started falling fierce against the gray of sunrise.. to cold to walk around and still to tired to really want to. Felt wonderful to curl up back in bed with the radiators on in the warmth of my tiny cabin while the storm blew in outside. Woke up later to a trying sunlight against the thick masses of snow clouds and attempted again to make it up to the spa to run off the lingering sleepiness. After the first few songs it finally felt good to be running and I worked out for the next hour to keith urban blasting through the open doors of the fitness room into the swirling snow outside. The faintness gleam of blue sky was inching its way over the hill when I went back outside, the cold nipping fiercely against my bare skin, but exhilarating to feel fill my lungs with each breath of crystal mountain air. Decided to walk the long way back, even in the freezing breeze that felt like ice through my clothes.. I had just gotten a call from the Head Manager of Dornans offering me a serving job for the winter down at the restaurant underneath their hotel. I took it gratefully, thankful that I will only share a house with one room mate instead of an apartment with three.. and that my rent is cheaper.. and I will not only have the job I want but will be living and working right beneath the Tetons... the only thing I was going to be so sad to leave here at the ranch when I go to move into town for the winter season. (And Rita of course... and Aaron... and my warm cabin to myself ;).. But overall I am thankful to have the job and excited to begin working again, especially serving.. especially with new and exciting people everyday.. a much needed change of pace from the ranch. Got off the phone with him to talk to dad and find a new trail to make my trip longer on the way back to the cabin. Happy to catch up and learn about home, excited to tell him about the new job and plans and all the crazy moving situations I am putting myself through with my indecisiveness. But it is always fun to share my insanity with someone ;) Wish I could see them all soon... Being that it still wasn't the most enjoyable day to be outside I went ahead and started laundry, offering to clean Dish's kitchen if he would let me use his machines instead of trekking my clothes up to the Spa. So for the next few hours I sang Patsy Cline and found the kitchen again underneath 2 weeks of massive, dirty usage (not so sexy..), And as always could not fight the urge to cook something with all of my new clean appliances, so I went ahead and made dinner for everyone tonight as well... A new Chinese from scratch recipe I created and I can only hope it tasted as god as it smelled.. either way it was appreciated and I got my creative fix for the day. Night had fallen by the time I left Dish's cabin to return to mine even thought it was still so early.. We decided to drive into town so I could finish up packing my things from the apartment for the move to Dornans, stopping at Dairy Queen where I treated for some intense, amazing chocolate extreme explosion in a cup. ( probably the NICEST DQ I have ever seen... just waiting for you Carlee ;)... Dark drive back, but made it before the roads got too icy to shower and settle down for the night... So it is now that I sit and remember all of the wonderful things I am thankful for today and always.. Especially being able to talk with mom and dad today <3, to share such beautiful and wonderful experiences with Josh, breath taking hikes to the river, wonderful music <3, whispering snow through the gasping sunlight, finding gem like rocks and new trails, warm clothes, new gloves, tattoos ;), the excitement for a new job and a different life, cooking artistic foods and singing... being in such an amazing place and always being able to be thankful to have such a blessed opportunity. I cannot wait for every new chance and idea of possibility, it is a beautiful journey, that i love <3.

nov. 11 2010

i am so happy with my life

nov. 7 2010

magic <3
It has been forever since i have been able to write and to be honest it wasn't because I did not have the time, more like the energy to be able to capture all the thousands of thoughts and ideas and dreams i have been exploring in my mind for the past couple of days.. It is fascinating how quickly things can change and how instantly you can choose to create such magic and wonder in your life.. so simply it can be done and so immediately do some things happen.. And the more time i spend sharing this beautiful place with someone who is just as breath-taken from it as i am.. the more I, myself am falling in love with the incomparable master piece i find myself surrounded in every day. A good friend from home flew out this past Thursday to spend some time here, at the ranch, working with my boss and I - just to get the feel of things, to experience something new, to stare at the beautiful mountains... and it is so wonderful to share the same passion i have for everything here and watch how it transforms the entire being of someone who has never known. How i wish i could do that with everyone.. Amazing to think how many lives would change, how many souls would be enlightened just by experiencing the life and beauty that is here. It does change your life.. there is no doubt. How easily your everything is put into place, how clearly you can think and see.. how endless the possibilities just explode into opportunities.. and how peaceful you find your yourself... your soul. It is as if it were magic.. and just how impossible it must seem to someone who never knew... the idea of inspiration and pure enlightenment produced by the over powering beauty of nature. When you take everything you think about life.. the complications, the drama, the stress, the work... all of the figuring out, the planning, the worrying.. and surrender it, it is almost as if your body flows into withdrawal.. almost like you forget how to function without the egotistical, material things that we create our lives to be..
And it is in that stage where you arrive here.. granted it is just a physical place, the mountains, the plains, the rivers, the peaks and valleys.. the trees and sky.. but emotionally as well it is a haven.. I cannot explain the such intense, humbling feeling you drown in when you first find yourself gazing at the mountains that engulf you.. but it is like a huge wave breaks into your body destroying all the ego, striping you only of what is real.. As if it was washing your soul as you stand there dripping with the new beauty. And it is incredible how from that moment on your body craves that feeling, that first rush of adrenaline from being broken into and renewed.. the emotion is addicting, and so powerful you find yourself slowly slipping into a more balanced and beautiful way of life.. simple and gentle, as if you were walking through the forest barefoot and cautious of every yearning plant for sunshine.. as your soul as well is yearning.. sometimes it just takes a little more time for searching <3..
Watching how this magic has worked into the life of someone who has never known this experience before is even more moving.. never knew such emotional peace could be found both physically and mentally,.it is simply beautiful the transaction and love beginning to take root in another soul.. same as the deep feelings i have started growing since i first felt that wave crashing into mine. I love it.. love watching the disbelief wash over as the sun sets into the biggest rainbow of pinks in the sky, the glistening snow penetrating the jagged peaks of the mountains, the way the sun catches every sparkle of frost in the morning, and the stars... nothing can even compare to the magic at night when you are immersed in nothing but a blanket of black filled with a million diamonds, clear enough so you can see every different color they sparkle in and out of.. holding your breath as if you could hear them whispering so many light years away, gripping against the deep cold of night and the chills from the coyotes singing.. It is like taking someone's hand and leading them into never-land, a soul once blindfolded that will never be the same.

it can only be magic...

So the days have been beautiful and busily spent working for Meridian with Jack and Julie and on the Ranch with Aaron and Anne. With more winter weather coming, (this time probably to stay), there has been a lot of work in town while the roads are still manageable and decent to drive.. Even though some mornings it has been so cold and the fog so thick we have not been able to see past the hood of the truck. Rhiannon and I have stayed occupied either with cleaning Mike's tractors, detailing the work trucks, moving things in the office, working on Mel's new apartment at the bottom of snow king, getting ready to paint our apartment (which is a hideous blue right now.. along with the dirty pea green bathroom). We have bought a warm copper to use on top, a lovely shade of "cedar pass" that seems perfect for a cabin-winter home. It is a nice place, on top of the Meridian office building with a beautiful, magazine cut out kitchen and living room with a huge stone fireplace and massive windows looking out the ski resort mountains. It is right in the middle of town so everything is within walking distance, granted my snow boots make it through the next snow. The bus station is right at the corner and the Aquatic center right down the street.. (very excited about getting back into swimming). As it turns out Rhiannon will not be moving back to Vermont and chose to stay here as well, so even if splitting a room might get cozy, at least the rent will be not as crazy. I will hopefully also be getting a lot of hours at the ski resort where i will be working and my time spent at the actual apartment will be minimal. (especially with a free ski pass! - very awesome!) I got a job working in a restaurant on top of the mountain (you actually have to ride the gondola up to get there.) It is a very nice, fine dining, cafeteria style place where I will be serving and busing, catering to the very busy ski crowd they always get. So many job interviews and visitations have been taking place as well between us two. Still holding out on more job to try and save up some money this winter for my travels in the spring.
So finally on this beautiful snow-promised sunday I am able to find the time and energy to give to writing all about this beautiful and spontaneous life.. So thankful for everything I am blessed with, so amazed and intrigued at the effect of this place on my soul.. and his, to watch and fall deeper in appreciation for what i am able to have and live for and how it can change the life of someone else. To cherish the small and simple things that make your heart so happy <3, hearing from your best friend and feeling their love even over 2,034 miles, your family.. the breath taking pictures you are able to capture, the magical feeling when you are able to capture a moment in a phenomenal sunset or shooting star.. how lucky to have that one place and time and live it.. how crazy it is to think how it resembles our own short time in this life.. this one tiny moment to capture everything wonderful and magical we are blessed with. so much can i be grateful for in the incredible chance i have.

oct 29 2010

Friday.. what a week it has been! Finally am I able to sit down and spend time capturing this amazing adventure that seems to go by faster and faster everyday. I think the last time I wrote there was still so much snow and still going, but today it has started to clear up reaching the 30s and beginning to melt into rain puddles. The sun has felt wonderful, even if the temperature hovers in the 20s for most of the day down to 9 at night!) It has been wonderful to be outside and working and looking so brilliant like winter finally. The pictures have been stunning with the light from the sun and the snow, everything glistens and sparkles like new.. i love how it completely transforms the world outside into a glistening masterpiece through a universe of snowflakes covering everything.. I love how the air gets so cold it chills your lungs and you can see your breath against the clearness of the endless blue sky. How the deep comfort of the cold greets your skin like a shock and makes the warm things so much nicer ;). The aspens are particularly beautiful, the white against white with the dark carvings of brown interlacing the bark.. In the mornings the branches freeze and seem to glow in the faintness of light so early before dawn.. along with the frost on the fading green sage brush and the icicles staggering down the cabin roofs.
job fair
I am so thankful for the gorgeous ride into town today. Mike and I drove to the job fair they are having at ski resort and took all the back roads so we could watch the mountains in the sunrise and the woods around us transform into such a stunning display for the snow and the ice from the night before. The fair however was not as glorious and we spent a llooonnnggg morning in line after line, interview after interview, dragging from building to building repeating the same things I have practiced since I began working.. So looking forward to having a steady job and never having to fill out one more application.. Which I am hoping will happen after landing one this winter. Having the ranch in the summer along with this gives me the months in between to travel ;) Exciting if it works out - half way there! Another pretty drive home in the mid day sunshine, perfect timing for a much needed run along the ridge lines with the aspens in the warm light.. walking later with Sam and Bentley down to the sage brush fields and the wedding pasture to try and get some pictures of the mountains with their winter colors. It is so pretty how on the nights like the how the sky turns the palest blue and just seems to melt into the rocks of the mountains, while the snow and the clouds blend into one almost as if you are looking in the reflections of a lake just instead it is the sky.. Never do I have a doubt that I have completely fallen in love with this piece of earth.. it amazes me how every morning I can watch the same sun illuminate the same peaks and still lose my breath.

It never gets old, how blessed to have the chance to find love like that <3

oct 27th

Oct. 27 2010
Hello beautiful :).. goodness another busy day, but wonderful now tha sun has come out and we are able to see the mountains for the first time since the snow started – and they are gorgeous completely blanketed in white.. dappled with the light rays that trickled in between the clearing clouds. It was a stunning trip into town, even if the roads were horrible.. Rhiannon and I went in today to clean the company’s tractors from the summer season.. freezing cold in an old car shop we danced and sang and washed until we were soaking wet and exhausted. Headed back to Meridian to have lunch with Ann and move more things into the apartment I am going to rent up stairs.. goodness it is beautiful! I have two huge windows over-looking the Snow King ski resort, a gorgeous kitchen, Huge fireplace and having everything else so close is wonderful.. It is true that I will miss the Tetons terribly and will miss my cabin here at the Ranch, but I am looking forward to getting a job, back to working, and spending the winter with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. I am so thankful for Jack and Julie for all of their amazing support and help.. I don’t know where I would be without them, but it is a blessing to have them in my life and to be a-part of everything they are working so hard for at the Ranch. Thankful to have the friendships I do, and the time I able to spend with both Rhi and Ann before she leaves for Vermont.. I love our adventures to town.. mud bogging in the company vehicles, loving the sunshine and the crystal clear skies and freezing air.. watching the sun glisten in the new light everywhere, it is so gorgeous. For getting filthy dirty cleaning tractors and playing in a hose when it’s barely 30 degrees outside ;) For having the entire Spa to myself to crank the music and dance for ever.. for new ski pants, for fresh coffee.. and big beautiful windows <3
Each day is one day closer to something more magical, and I fall deeper in love with this life every day I have the chance to..
Cheers for tomorrow love, it is going to be enchanting <3

oct. 26 2010

i want to remember today as the day i fell in love...
everything in its crazy, confused, chaotic and beautiful bliss... pure life itself.. when you follow your heart and sing only the songs that replays in your soul.. <3

it was so beautiful today.