oct, 21

oct 20 2010

Wednesday :)
So it seems as our last day of summer sunshine, the weather is calling for the snow to start falling sometime tomorrow evening.. but I am sure it will be just as beautiful as now. Had a gorgeous day though, for it's last.. the brightest sunshine again to a cloudless sky. The perfect cold to walk in a sunrise up to the spa.. with the frost and chill almost freezing to your skin, but so bearable in the white light of dawn. Worked with Rhi in the woods today behind the cabins.. gathering wood from the previous weekend and loading it down to the barn. Tomorrow they are dropping me off in town to do some work for Jack around the buildings there.. good to get off the ranch for a bit, but I can't complain about getting to work outside in some place so beautiful.. <3

Played in the sunshine for the rest of the afternoon.. walking everywhere I could find a trail to take me.. it is an awesome feeling knowing your only purpose is to follow your feet.. no matter how small the journey it is still exciting to be alone, back in nothing but nature just exploring.. it must be one of my favorite things to do. Everywhere you look is something different.. even though they might be the same mountains, every second they change and seem to grow more breath taking.. just thinking about them now when it is night and cannot be seen gives such a feeling of security and contentment.. I love it here..

I am thankful for the sweet sunshine.. as always.. thankful for the thought of snow and the excited christmas-morning feeling that comes with it :) Thankful for the time to appreciate the love I have for this beautiful place, to sit or walk through it knowing that each step I cherish for being able to be here.. thankful to watch the sunset and the almost full moon rise seeming to carry all of the sun's light with it.. for the stars that glitter a million different colors when the sky is so crystal clear.. for the mountains that turned purple tonight against the vast golden, rust of the turning sage.. for being alone but feeling more at home in my heart than ever imaginable.. for the gift of friends, having dinner together tonight :) and the promise of a beautiful tomorrow, no matter what. <3

Oct 19 2010

Dearest Tuesday, there is not a better way to wake up than to the smell of hazelnut coffee… however the smell of fire and pine do come quite close. They lit the huge pile of wood this morning around 7 and for the entire day.. until even now as I watch it smolder from the deck it has smelled like camping and s’mores.. I think the smoke just smells like graham crackers.. it was awesome.. went to the gym early when the frost was still glittering before the sun and ran hard surprisingly for the lack of sleep I have stacked up these past couple of nights.. Ever since I have moved into my own room in the cabins beside the creek, I have not slept solid through one night.. not as fun for Rita either who has moved in with me as well. It was a gorgeous morning to walk back in, the sun shine full force like it has been this whole week.. not one single cloud to make shadows on the mountains.. just endless, gleaming blue for as far as you can possibly see. Took the long way, just to stay a little longer in the heavenly bliss of morning.. having not yet reached 30 degrees it felt amazing.. No wind, no clouds.. just pretty and still.. like a perfect reflection in a ripple-less pool. Worked on the front sides of the cabins today, raking, weeding, sweeping the porches.. spent some time cleaning out my cabin as well, even hanging my sheets on the clothesline to soak in the sunshine and cool fall air that is ever present. Took off to hike to favorite spot up on the hill where I can see everything it seems on a day like this.. can only imagine what it must be like to be on top of the grand doing the same.. one day ;) Spent some time reading in the sunshine, listening to the crows and their messages to the other birds that must be thrilled it is so warm still.. I miss seeing the tanagers, but the blue birds are still here, still brilliant in their iridescent starkness against the rest of earth toned nature. Walked along the ridge tops, loving so much the beauty and weather that I have been blessed to come back to here.. how crazy to think there was more snow in August! Even colder it seemed like.. or maybe just because I am now sleeping in the hottest possible cabin (right above the water heater..) Fell asleep in the sun on the rocks by the bench, everything so content and quiet, the most sleep I have gotten without interruption and it felt wonderful.. goodness to even think about going back to the real world.. why would I even question my stay here? I do not think it could get more perfect for me really.. everything I love and want out of life is here, and I am so so grateful.
But even so I guess change will be good.. it is amazing how much more you miss something or someplace once you have left it. I will be flying out to Colorado in the beginning of November for my next job. A guest lodge just like here except it is outside of a ski resort (Winter Park) instead of a horse ranch. I am so excited, definitely.. how great it will feel to be back working with people and getting to serve! Even though I am being hired mostly as an aid to the kitchen, I think the simple notion of feeling appreciated will be so wonderful. I have missed feeling as if I have a purpose, even if it was making sprinkle pancakes ;)
Something else happened the other day that I forgot to write about.. almost magical, still really can’t believe it – but Chef, who must have found out I was back at the ranch somehow.. Someone who has never cared or shown compassion for anyone that I am aware of.. sent me a post card :) I got it within the first week I was here, a beautiful picture of African artwork on the front with a welcoming message inside… I know it was small, but the thought was enormous and it really touched my heart. So thankful am I of the little things in life that make it so mysterious and so spontaneous all at once.. whether it be a tiny post card, a new trail, a beautiful new rock… how the sky is different every single sunset.. the over whelming smell of pine and nature and the way the grasses never whisper quiet the same.. the exciting news of another adventure.. it is as if a new world unfolds every day and how blessed are we to get the single chance to experience and to love it? To appreciate every moment for what it is worth, as if it was our last, knowing every step is just one more piece to a beautiful journey that one day we will be able to look back and admire with nothing but love…

The sun has gone now..a little earlier every evening, and the sky has remained a perfect blanket of pale blue in the misty rays of light that are still shining over the peaks.. how lucky are we… For just this simple, quiet moment to be <3.>

oct 18 2010..

hello love,
I wish there was a way to take everything I am feeling, mixed with everything I am seeing and just place every sensation onto this paper.. it is around 6 o clock here in the beautiful Tetons of moose Wyoming, catching the last few rays of glistening sunshine before it sinks behind the pass. I was as the canyons in the peaks, full of snow, slowly transform into the dark crevices the sunshine escapes further into dusk. So cold it looks, icey white in the gleaming still.. such contrast to the blazing shine of the sunset. Only a few clouds tonight.. my favorite of abalone twilights.. the palest of blues melted into even softer yellows until you meet the blinding golden rush of color.. it is like a huge magnificent watercolor.. maybe what I will paint tonight.. It is cold, but without the slightest breeze so the lingering highlights keep me warm on my sunset bridge overlooking the abandoned cabin and the fields of golden grasses that almost sing when they move. Especially beautiful now that fall has turned the tips of them red, so striking against the blue world I am surrounded by.
It was a gorgeous Monday.. another Indian fall, cloudless.. endless sky kind of day.. the frost layed so perfectly on every blade of grass, melting into a glorious morning of pure light that reached every end of the horizon.. one of those days you could see every rock on the mountains.. very snow flake from the night before. I worked by myself today, again up at the spa, winterizing the plants and raking more. Took off a bit early and headed to my favorite spot on the hills before the bench.. so high you can see everything from the snake river, such a deep crystal blue.. all the way to Jackson lake.. so north against the hills that stay so purple all day. Soaked up every precious drop of sunshine, so thankful it is so beautiful and warm still.. let it sink into my skin as I just listened to the breath taking world all around me. <3 I let ye thoughts wonder.. not so extreme like I have been allowing, but staying close, playing in the day dreams of reality.. thinking about this winter, where I want to be.. and this summer how I hope to be back here enjoying all of this again one last time before I want to finally make my trip across the world to New Zealand :) I am hoping to save everything I have from now until then, using my time to plan and know exactly where I want to lose myself.. and find myself.. I have realized that I have been worrying too much, because I am not used to being so limitless and plan-less.. when really it is all unfolding the one way it should, this is the journey, this is the adventure.. and I am so thankful to be living in every moment of it, and conscious of the pure notion of the thought. Giving into the universe.. into faith.. is that not what I have been wanting and trying to do? Just to be able to sit and look out onto a world teeming with mystery and magic and opportunities and breath easily knowing the ones I am supposed to find will come? And maybe not here, maybe not in new Zealand.. maybe not in Colorado this winter, but it is all the experience.. it is all the journey.. and I am looking forward to every second. <3

The sun is gone now.. only the shadows of another brilliantly, beautiful day lasting long on the grasses to remember the suns travel across this endless sky.. and it is in reality that we are just as the grasses.. singing in the wind as if it was the natural thing to do.. soaking up the sunshine.. thankful to be a part of the earth and grateful to have one more tomorrow.. it is as simple as that.

oct 17 2010.. beautiful sunday

sometimes we get so caught up in what should be.. what should be happening, what we should be doing.. how should we be making our lives better.. our days more complete... our existence have more purpose.. We spend so much time worrying over these things, endless hours thinking and planning and contemplating the possibilities... When in reality everything we could ever need.. or ever want is right in front of our eyes, right at our fingertips.. I look back now and feel so selfish for every wanting anything more than the breath taking display I have right before me.. the simplest, but yet most beautiful gift i could ever ask for. I dreamed of these mountains.. these days where I could spend every moment appreciating there beauty and purity, breathing this air.. being a part of these special moments, here. I don't want to look back and watch how i wasted this time alone to grow and see how i spent it trying to figure everything else possible out.
there will always be other options and opportunities, but if we cannot enjoy the "amazing" we have, how is that fair? how can we ever be able to enjoy anything that way?
sometimes i let myself get caught up.. wondering why i am here and what purpose am i serving.. making myself feel as though i am wasting time working away my life and accomplishing nothing. when it is the very opposite, and of this i am sure. I knew I wanted to be here and with every cell in body i felt it.. and now i am.. I followed my heart back to this beautiful place and it is here for now that i am living, and until today I never allowed myself to fully understand that.. like there was always the watchful part of me whispering that it wasn't alright. but in every beautiful way possible, it is. I love being with these mountains, feeling this sunshine.. being able to walk to the wedding pasture and hold my breath just watching the clouds transform the sky and the storms blow across the ranges.. honestly i believe i was scared, this just seemed to perfect.. and for now i am just going to let it <3

It was a beautiful sunday.. the clouds were blowing in with the winter snows that played on top of the tetons all day.. Below however it was bright sunshine and almost warm when you were out of the wind. Went for a long hike up behind the cabins where it is so quiet and still.. almost hard to believe someplace so alive can be so content.. it is magic being there, in every way in every shadow.. every different outlook the way the light decides to catch the breeze.. it has to be alright.. it is the most realest feeling and i am captivated by it. I am thankful to be here, just as i am so thankful to have the other opportunities in life that may follow.. but for now this is here, with me and i am in heaven.<3

oct 16, 2010

I am thankful today to have the chance to walk for miles.. watching as the rain and snow started on the mountains and then just vanished into the sunlight. thankful for the skipping stones and beautiful waters, for the endless sky and a perfect day to cherish every moment to myself..
even if some days i wish i had it to share with someone else.. I will always stay thankful for the special seconds I have to watch it alone and with my soul..
tired today.. will catch up tomorrow.. maybe it will rain <3
so much love

oct 14th 2010

thursday :)
it is amazing to me how in this massive, limitless sky.. that not one single cloud came pass through the entire day long. Sometime i do not think that the sky can possibly get more clear, so brilliantly shining even in the absence of the stark clouds.. like the facets of a diamond, every angle just seems to explode with light. Nothing to me can compare to thy sky here, i feel as if i could see it touch the ocean it is so close and goes on forever.. You follow the beautiful blue and in every place it reaches horizon is just one more beautiful scene. I love how the sunlight makes the mountains to the north turn purple as the Tetons fade into their looming and mysterious blue... and always those aspens..

today was beautiful, a perfect indian summer, fall day.. perfect sunshine from the moment it breached the sage brush out front, until i watched it sink into the dark, navy bliss of those amazing mountains. Woke up early enough that my walk wasn't in the total dark. around to my aspen tree with the mountain blue birds, back through the woods behind the cabins, back to mine.. and the warm... changed into work clothes and went up to the gym to start the landscaping projects Rhi and I had begun yesterday. The frost was soon to melt as the sun started higher into the sky, and before long we were sweating in our eskimo clothes working to clear the trees around the spa, raking and moving wood..
felt great to be working, to be in the sunshine, with the most beautiful view and the prettiest sky.. sneaking off early to go hike and take some pictures.. watching the wishes float and day dreaming.. started to climb to the bench and found a lovely sunny spot right on the hill to read for a while, forgetting the world and worries and everything else that has been playing hide and seek with my mind.. thinking about colorado.. wondering if the mountains there could ever compare to the ones I am grateful for everyday.. took the long walk back to the cabin.. admiring the way the sunlight makes the softest shadows on the beige grasses in between the pine trees.. the red of the bittersweet against the aspen bark.. the dark burgundy of the ground where the leaves have fallen.. stopping to watch the palest sliver of moon appear above the crest of the hills, lofted right above the glittering yellow leaves where the black crows were flying.. an iridescent blue in the shining light against their black.. the sea of sage brush almost a sea foam green against the base of the brilliant blue.. wanting to soak up every feeling of the experience and just breath it .. just as the universe flows through your soul..
just to a part of it all..

A shower was amazing, warm to feel the chill run off with the water.. a wonderful feeling of clean clothes to walk up to the lodge and watch the sunset. Started my second book today, i love the feeling of being totally immersed into someone else's thoughts for a change.. thankful to have a perfect spot to sit.. a front row seat to something so breath taking. Watching the day unfold into the familiar rays of golden sunlight.. another day complete.. with just as many wonderful things to be thankful for.. but yet, still lingers the familiar feeling of empty.. the same small spot somewhere in the depths of my heart i feel the hole that has yet to be filled.. that something that is always missing, that usually i can ignore.. but always some days when the sun sets just right and the darkness begins to fall.. the hole begins to beckon and i feel it just as strong.. yearning for that shared love for this magical life taking place.

Sometimes i don't know how you do it.. but then i guess it is the familiarity of completeness that keeps you going.. if only i could share with you.. so much beauty to be held and so much love to be known..

thankful today for the untouchable happiness of being here, for the irreplaceable beauty no matter where you look, for the perfect hillsides to lay in the sunshine.. naked :).. for the falcons flying in the endless sky, the songs of the crows.. the warmth of the sunlight on your skin, the fall wind to remind you it is October.. the perfect feeling of being alone.. and the longing not to be.. for the amazing-ness of new running shoes.. ridiculous loud music to dance around like you're crazy to.. trying to remember how to speak when he talks to you.. watching the rays of sunset settle between the crevices of the peaks.. gold light trickling into faded blue..
catching your heart beat.. just to be silent as the magical world around you listens <3